So my week is so shitty. Flunked like hell in one of my important exams. Got a rejected report.

But I got to love the end of this week. I have been thinking of "it".

I mean I can't forget it's face. the smile, the personality, everything.

I am trying to forget everything. I mean hello being stuck for friggin years! Yes, I don't want this to last. That's for sure.

But there are things in life that you can control. Beyond your control.

I am still a coward.

But one thing's for sure, you make my heart skip a bit.

And I am sorry for still thinking of you. 'Cause honestly, it's my guilty pleasure. :)

:*

So I'm running empty batt with 6%.

I've been so amazed with life. How life can be so beautiful over and over again, even for a moment we thought, just thought, we've loose it all. I mean sometimes, we feel sad that we want to stab our wrists and wear black and that side bangs. Ohh, I kid. But seriously, I find it real amusing to live. To eat the most delicious foods, to see the most beautiful places, to sing wonderful melodies, to laugh like there's no tomorrow. Those are not temporary, these are forever. It will last forever in our memories. And that's what I do. I think of these when I am at the lowest point. And finally, I can say that life is amazing 'cause it offers a lot, variety is the word. And, yes I am amazed everyday of my life.

I am amazed.

:)

SUP

Hi so SUP?

It's funny.

I stil havent study that well for my exam.

Hihihihi 3 readings left and solving part.

HAYAYAYAYAYYYY.

Basta, I will pass this test.

And mark my words: IWONTFAILATESTANYMORETHISSEM! :)

:)

Hi! I want a new me. I've been a mess, a total mess. The miss chill-then-wait-I've-got-something-to-do-oh-my-gawd-fuck-i-am-so-fucked-up-fuck-you-world-i-hate-my-life-i-am-such-a-mess-i-want-a-change-but-i-am-so-lazy-i'll-just-chill-then-and-another-psycho-cycle.

Well, I think I'll start with these feasible things first. :)

1) Smile
2) Calm
3) Pray when things get so mixed up
4) STUDY not just because of the exams, study to learn
5) WORK, thou shall not abandon work
6) Be nice to my sibs!! And my 'rents! (OHYEAH!)
7) Watch more indie films, music and GIGS <3
8) Hangout at calm and chill places like CX, Halo and Coffee Shops <3
9) Don't be a lovesick puppy.
10) Go to mass and BELIEVE IN HIM! <3 <3 <3

Weeeee :>

Yes, I am a full-bloom adult. I don't think I act like a kid.

Yes, things come naturally.

And yes, fake everything's come naturally.

Let's play the game. Just stop calling me labels. Let's play the game 'cause its hellah bloody! :)

I really don't think I act like a kid. How about you? :)

I feel empty. Honestly.

I want to feel inspired. I want to meet new people, interesting ones. It's like my world revolves around boring, old people in my life and, yeah, school. You know, I'm 18. And I want some action. It's not like I want to have a boyfriend, to have sex with him, have a baby, have a crappy married life with him. Scratch that. I don't want a life like that. I want something else. I want something spice. I want to go beyond the normal. I want to experience new things even though I am weak. I want to feel less alone. I do feel alone every moment of my life. You don't get me with this side of my world 'cause I'm weird. Yes, there goes my friends and my family. But you don't know the feeling. It's like everything is superficial. I blame myself, at times, for my high expectations. But sometimes, I think I don't expect, I just can't feel that thing's are genuine. Today, I just want to leave all the people around. To leave all the things, even the most expensive ones. To leave. To go somewhere far. To cry. To laugh. To keep sane. To live in another shoes. To be someone else. To be. To be. To be.

To be. Yes, those two words. You, nonetheless, make me feel empty. Honestly.

Immature life

Sometimes, you don't want to think of things because they cause utter pain to the people you love the most. Yes, some things are good unsaid but some things are needed to be vocalized for human reasons. For simple human reasons. We are not heavenly creatures. We are human beings. We feel bad when things go crappy. We get mad when expectations aren't met. We hate ugly things. We cry because we just want to and it would be more painful to reason out why you're crying. But then again, we are all human. We have elastic emotions. We have this eccentric ego that we keep to hide but it keeps on showing. We dance, sing, play just to feel talented and gifted. We huddle with other people to feel the cliche sense of belongingness. And we don't want to face reality because this gives us pain and broken lives. But you, what will you choose? A "perfect" life, sugar-coated it is, but full with lies or a broken, shattered life with reality encompassing your senses every bit of your soul but no inhibitions and no lies?

Think. Think again. This has been a question to me. And I keep searching for the answer, all the time.